


the more I reach the more I fade away

by LadyNoir



Series: If Heaven's Grief, Brings Hell's Rain. [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Insecure Michael, Michael (Supernatural) Needs a Hug, Michael-centric, Sad Michael
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-03 23:19:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14007033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyNoir/pseuds/LadyNoir
Summary: A little snippet of what Michael did after speaking to Castiel and deciding on his plans.(This is Michael angst, you've been warned)





	the more I reach the more I fade away

Michael flew to the most remote location he could think of at the moment. 

The moon, from where he could observe his father's most treasured creation.

He wanted a sign from his father, proof that all he was going to do would work, that he would get to save humanity, his siblings, he wanted to know that all would be fine, that he could prevail and that Lucifer would be put to an end, whatever it took. Then it occurred to him that the whole thing was unfair. Why was it him, that needed to do the sacrifice? Hadn't he done enough already? His vanity, his pride had destroyed the universe once? He had wanted to rest, to die and yet something, his father maybe, had seen it fit to return Michael to a point where he could fuck it all again. He wanted to rage, to destroy things, he didn't want to fight his brother, he just wanted the whole thing to end, he wanted the pain to go away. He didn't want to lead heaven anymore or to have his siblings depend on him anymore. Why couldn't his father come home and fix everything? Why had his father left? Why? 

He wanted to be able to ask his father all those questions, to look at God in the eye and demand an honest answer. But he knew it was wishful thinking, but that still didn't quench his anger, his doubts, his insecurity. He was not fit to lead, he knew that first hand. Eons ago, maybe, but now he knew things, the world was much more complex than before, it was not just good and evil and angels and demons. This new world was more than that. 

Michael raged, destroying everything in his path and yet he was mindful not to destroy the satellite completely. When he finished his outburst he realized that he had taken human appearance, young John Winchester. A strangled laugh escaped his mouth as he supported his 'body' with his hands, he was sweaty, an impossible feat for an Archangel, but he was, his hair stuck to his forehead as droplets of sweat and tears ran down his face. He screamed in frustration as more tears fell from his eyes. Why couldn't his father give him a fucking answer?

His breathing became ragged and Michael wept for all the siblings he had once lost at the hand of Lucifer, for those he had killed, for those who had met their ends under his orders. He wept for the corruption of Heaven, for his and Raphael's disdain of humans. He wept for the soul of Dean Winchester, the human who taught him so much about life that he sometimes had wondered if Dean had been the one to be ageless celestial being. He wept until he had no more tears and screamed until his voice became a mere frustrated whisper. 

* * *

 

He stayed in the moon, contemplating what he would do next, what he could do to stop Hell, to save the world, his family. 

Once he was sure that he could manage to do whatever it would take to save the world, he stood and straightened himself. He was Michael, the Archangel Michael, he had defeated Hell's forces one, he had locked his brother in the cage once. He had commanded the Garrisons of Heaven and he had won. He had sacrificed his brother once, he could do it again, that monster that was in the cage was not his brother anymore, no matter what it said and Michael would do anything to keep it caged. He was not going to make that mistake again, he had learned. 

His hands were bloodied and battered when he looked at them, he took a deep breath he didn't need and stepped into the light. 

He had a world to save.  


End file.
